Would you agree that in order to love yourself can be really hard? Especially when you are going through a tough time? Does it just break your confidence? I know the feeling and it can be quite a challenge to regain your self worth. Usually the feeling might manifest after defeat after defeat. Leaving you broken, hurt and afraid to continue with life. This is my journey on how to love yourself and become confident that I will be sharing.
I will in this post tell you my story on self defeat and how I over came this ball and chain. Hopefully this will show you how to love yourself and become confident again.
I will go into detail on the steps I took, the habits I cultivated and things I did to bring back my self worth. Hopefully the same journey will help someone in need. Here is the four quickest things you can change to start feeling better today.
Start with daily affirmations
It has been discussed the world over and reiterated hundreds of times. That positive thinking attracts positive things. The reality of course is that it’s easier said than done. If you are going through a tough time. It may be extremely difficult for you to see any silver lining. It is however alright to lie to yourself a bit in the beginning. Bring out your old mirror, find the things you like about yourself and say them out loud to yourself in the mirror, even if they may be fantasy at first. The main things is not to make yourself out to be a crazy person, but rather to just to kick your day off on good footing. It can always be useful to just start with a bounce in your step.
Better hygiene and grooming
One of the first things to go when you have lost your self worth is your over all hygiene. In order to love yourself you need to take care of yourself. Groom as if you are obsessive compulsive on steroids. If you are clean, odor free, neat and spotless you will automatically be at the very least one percent more confident than you were before. Not to mention your self image will improve and people might actually want to be around you when you are odor free.
Make use of good posture. Everyone looks more attractive, outgoing and more successful with good posture. If you have bad posture you are also less comfortable. Appear shorter and less noticeable. If your goal is to create this person with good self esteem and a good self image. Make yourself look taller and more noticeable with better posture.
Use the power of the war cry
For many people it can really be hard to find internal strength. It can even be more difficult to internalize that and bring it to the surface. I find it very difficult to get myself motivated. Usually when I’m in a period of self doubt. I usually use a war cry to force out motivation. Bring drive back to the surface and give myself an opportunity to also let out any cropped up self anger and frustration. The war cry by far is probably my favorite way to regain myself. Usually an abrupt roar or shout of some positive affirmation. It sounds really stupid I know and will look really weird doing it in public.
However the war cry has been used for thousands of years to make people more fierce than they truly are. Life is a war day by day and why should you not have your own war cry to get you in the right mind set for the battle ahead.
How to love yourself and be confident in the medium term
I have now discussed four really quick ways to already start improving your state of mind almost immediately. How ever self doubt, self esteem issues, resentment towards yourself and just plain hopelessness usually runs deeper. So in saying this I have taken not just short term approaches to improving but medium to long term as well. Here is what I did in the medium term to over come self loathing.
Stop any substance abuse
When I talk about substance abuse. Everyone immediately thinks drugs OMG! The reality a substance could be anything you are over indulging in to help you cope. The sad part of course about this all is that initially this may have started as a coping mechanism. However over time it became a habit which you now despise about yourself or worse you are ignorant about. Whether we choose to admit it to ourselves or not any coping mechanism has an impact on our life style. Over indulging in food may bring on obesity which will only worsen your mental image of yourself. Drinking may lead to disorders such as depression, memory loss and other conditions which will make you just hate yourself more. Drugs of course you all know the dangers no need for me to say anything there.
The main reason really for abstaining from any substances, is not really the removal of the substance from your life, but rather to clear your mind. Truly the only way to heal is to have clear thoughts and to allow your mind to resolve them on it’s own time. Don’t beat yourself up if you are not healing fast enough, it’s all a process. Everyone is different and have their own reasons for being in the state they are.
Rediscover your passion
I found when I started applying the above steps, especially after breaking the cycle of alcohol abuse. I regained my passion for life and new things. It was magic. I had always been an extremely technical and mathematical person and now all of a sudden I became creative. I started drawing and writing and creating things which others would find useful. It’s really important you go on a search for something which makes you excited to your core again. Find your child hood again. Start a new hobby, start a business online, join a local community whatever it may be. Allow yourself to have this leisure time to do the thing you love. You don’t just deserve it you also paid for it with your emotional turmoil.
Create internal joy. Some may even turn to God for help. Do what you need to make you want to jump out of bed again. Be relentless in your quest for regaining your passion.
This all sounds very vague, but in reality if you are enriching your life with these things your confidence will rise on it’s own. You now all of a sudden have more to talk about. More positivity and can rub it off on others.
The world has stepped all over you. It is now time to just be a bit selfish for once. Take care of yourself and your needs for once. I am not saying do this forever, just give yourself enough me time to think things through, restructure your life and to recover.
How to love yourself and be confident in the long term
At this point I was starting to cross over from it being a daily routine to it being a life style and it becoming part of the new me. At this point the drive was so phenomenal I wanted to start challenging myself in many more ways than I could imagine. I wanted more and haven’t wanted more in a long time. It was a great feeling for a change.
This is going to sound funny, but I was always a bit nerdy and now I wanted six pack abs and big biceps. Kind of chuckled to myself about this, it’s something I’ve always thought of wanting to do but never really went after because I never thought I’d be able to achieve it. However now for the first time I felt I could do this thing I felt I am in a place where I can push myself past my own limits.
This is where my long term journey began. Here are the things I did next to build my confidence.
Start working out
At first it was quite daunting I struggled, two weeks went by, three weeks went by and I was hurting every day. Even though my progress was not as great as I hoped, I did start noticing improvements in my well being. Mainly my stress levels, mental state and really the self image improved drastically. I became concerned with using perfect form in my workouts and it brought upon a form of discipline in my life. Something I hadn’t felt since my years at university where I was studying quite a challenging mathematical discipline. The thought of having something so simple be so difficult and require so much focus to perfect gave me something new to live for.
Exercise really is such a big thing in the self esteem game you should definitely try it. I do however see it as a long term confidence builder, mainly because I never progressed very quickly and always see it as a 2 years or more plan to get into the shape I want to be in. The unfortunate reality is we don’t all have that perfect genetic advantage which helps us tone up in a matter of weeks. Perhaps it is different for you and you can put it into one of your short term routines.
The biggest mistake I have always made was to worry too much about things which may never happen. Due to this I never rewarded myself for anything good I did. The really sad reality in life is most people are negative and will try break you down and stamp on your dreams. This in itself can leave you feeling stupid and unimportant. The only true real source of recognition can come from yourself. So reward yourself when you truly feel you deserve something. Remember set the bar high and you will feel just so much more accomplished. No free handouts to yourself :).
Further your education or knowledge
Everyone is more confident when they have something important to contribute. I am not saying you should go spend money on expensive degrees or courses. Just keep up scaling your knowledge. If you know a lot about a topic of importance you will just feel more important. I have a solid regime of daily knowledge building. Often it may be trivial and unimportant but I build on it every day. Even if it takes you 10 mins a day to just do some reading or watching a youtube video. Do yourself a favor and gain that knowledge.
Of course knowledge can lead to greater income which too could be a confidence booster.
Start helping others
Once you have achieved your own success of overcoming self esteem issues pay it forward. Guide others and help others with their problems. This even more so will give you more purpose and will push you even further in the right direction.
Remember you need to start slow and change small things every day. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Just become better everyday even if it’s just one percent improvement per day. Create a sustainable life style which is easy to follow day by day for the most long term effect.
If you want to read more about self esteem here are some more wiki pages on the topic: